Too Many Responsibilities

Spring break is over. I'm glad that my son likes kindergarten enough that he counted down the days to go back to school. However, I'm not happy to have to get up at 8 again and to add extra responsibilities to my schedule.

I've been having trouble lately, trying to prioritize. You see, I'm taking this history course through Athabasca University, and I need to finish it in order to be admitted to the B.Ed. program at UofA. It's a year long program, and I have until August 30 to finish the course. There's 6 units, and I'm only at the end of unit 2. What does this mean? It means that I'm sucking at this course. Part of the problem is that there is a ton of reading and I'm not making myself do it quick enough. Another part is that I'm finding the assignments (essays) really difficult. The bulk of it, though, is that I'm just not doing the work. I'm finding it difficult to decide what's really important...should I be doing the laundry or writing my essay? Cleaning the house or reading?

I'm actually really worried about not getting it done in time...but I'm still not doing it. I have this whole fear of failure thing..not to mention a fear of change. If I finish the course I find out if I get into the UofA. What if I don't get in? What if I do get in and I do horribly? I have absolutely no confidence in my abilities as a student or teacher. I don't feel smart enough. I honestly look at myself and think, there's no way I can do this...I don't know enough. The more I get into it the more nervous I get. I'm so scared of screwing up, that I'm screwing it up. Sigh.

So, I'll try to do more reading and writing today. I wish I could think of a way to make myself do it. Independent study is so hard to keep up on.

Besides school, laundry and housework that needs to be done, I have to take Ozy to the vet to see why he's limping. He's 12 years old, he has cancer (Mast Cell) and on Saturday he started favoring the back end. $50 to find out why.

I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew.