About 3 years ago when I was in therapy (not that big of a surprize, is it?), my therapist advised me that if I write in a journal (or blog) I should concentrate on writing about the good things, so as not to surround myself with and dwell on the negative. So... here I go.
I spent the day yesterday in an absolutely miserable funk. After dinner was made I chose to do homework in my room by myself. If I hadn't left, James probably would have made me leave, it was that bad. So, I spent the next 4 or so hours reading about British North America in the 1740s-1840s, and answering questions, while I watched tv. Biggest Loser! Yay! If I had to chose one show to make me feel like a lazy fat ass, that'd be it.
Anyway, I thought that my funk during the day was a direct result of dissatisfaction with where I am, due to my sister just buying an awesome house and my jealousy related to that. I basically came to the conclusion that I don't want to spend the next 3 (or whatever) years in this town because it's so inconvenient and THE SUCK.
What I actually discovered, though, around 11:30pm, after I made the boy lunch, fed the dogs (which James forgot about) and cleaned the kitchen (which he didn't do), and bawled my eyes out under hot, steamy shower water is that I'm at my limit of being able to do things all on my own.
I have my children, my house, my dogs, my volunteer duties and my school work all to contend with. James bathes the kids once a week, and generally does the dishes/cleans the kitchen (mostly). I have had to battle with the school, with hockey, take the dog to the vet countless times and nurse him after surgery, plus feed/clothe and generally care for kids and home. After all of this, was it any surprize just how horribly behind my school work I am? I have 4 months to do about 8 months of school work. I just broke down. I'm at my limit.
I'm still feeling down today, like I'm clinging to sanity...could cry at any second. I was so pissed off last night of having to feed the dogs and clean the kitchen while James sat on his ass and played his guitar/computer and watched movies all night, while I studied for hours, that I went to bed without saying a word to him.
I need ot talk to him about it, I know I do. I'm not very good at it though.
Anyway, I have to go and start the day... Moms and Tots today and I have to get the room ready before everyone arrives.
I did pretty good about only talking about good things...it's like...80% good, right?
About Me
My son Quintin has been in minor hockey for two years, starting just a month before he turned 4. His first year of pre-novice we had to pay $100 for his registration, and we chose to pay $150 instead of working at the concession.
His second year of pre-novice cost us $200, plus 25 hours of concession work and mandatory volunteer work at the fundraiser. We also wrote a post dated cheque for $250 as a deposit against jerseys and incase we didn't volunteer. We got that cheque back, uncashed at the end of the year.
Now the executive has just chosen to charge parents all fees and deposits upfront, and if all obligations (concession and volunteer) are met, to be refunded at the end of the year. That means that when I register Quintin I will have to pay $675.
I don't have this kind of money just laying around. However, push having come to shove, I can get it. That's not so for a lot of parents. Many of the first year players I know will not be able to have their children continue with hockey. I'm sure that if Quintin was at a higher (and more expensive) level, that I would not be able to afford it. A friend has two children in hockey and will have to pay $1000. That I certainly wouldn't have.
I think it is completely unfair that families who don't have large amounts of money readily available aren't able to have their kids continue in hockey. What's even worse than all this, however, is that of the hundred or so families in Lamont who are involved in minor hockey, only 11 people came to the meeting, and it's the same 11 who always come. The executive and these 11 people are running the club and making all the decisions for the rest of us. I was shocked to hear that no one besides myself protested this fee change.
I wish that people weren't so complacent and eager to drift through life as if nothing involves them. Why is no one willing to fight for what is the right thing to do?
This rediculous decision penalizes children whose their parents live paycheque to paycheque and are forced to save for months for extra expenses. It's not fair that only the priveledged get to participate.
His second year of pre-novice cost us $200, plus 25 hours of concession work and mandatory volunteer work at the fundraiser. We also wrote a post dated cheque for $250 as a deposit against jerseys and incase we didn't volunteer. We got that cheque back, uncashed at the end of the year.
Now the executive has just chosen to charge parents all fees and deposits upfront, and if all obligations (concession and volunteer) are met, to be refunded at the end of the year. That means that when I register Quintin I will have to pay $675.
I don't have this kind of money just laying around. However, push having come to shove, I can get it. That's not so for a lot of parents. Many of the first year players I know will not be able to have their children continue with hockey. I'm sure that if Quintin was at a higher (and more expensive) level, that I would not be able to afford it. A friend has two children in hockey and will have to pay $1000. That I certainly wouldn't have.
I think it is completely unfair that families who don't have large amounts of money readily available aren't able to have their kids continue in hockey. What's even worse than all this, however, is that of the hundred or so families in Lamont who are involved in minor hockey, only 11 people came to the meeting, and it's the same 11 who always come. The executive and these 11 people are running the club and making all the decisions for the rest of us. I was shocked to hear that no one besides myself protested this fee change.
I wish that people weren't so complacent and eager to drift through life as if nothing involves them. Why is no one willing to fight for what is the right thing to do?
This rediculous decision penalizes children whose their parents live paycheque to paycheque and are forced to save for months for extra expenses. It's not fair that only the priveledged get to participate.
No offense or disrespect to anyone intended by my title...it's just funny.
So I'm back from my Easter holiday. Nothing much to say about it, really. It was a nice few days away, but besides having someone cook for me (which is Awesome! I wish it was that way every day!) I didn't really do anything vacationey. I didn't sleep in at all, though I did get one nap in, and James and I didn't go out to a movie. It was relaxing, all the same though...having someone else run around with my kids is a bonus.
The most memorable part of the weekend, aside from Cameron crying for an hour both there and back, would definitely have to be the amount of candy I ended up bringing home. My mom and I agreed that next year she'll buy toys and I'll buy the candy.
So today it's back to the grind, since James has to work. The kids and I went out and bought enough groceries to last until Friday, then we grabbed some lunch and came home, where I felt inspired enough by the warm sunshine (which has since vanished behind dark threatening clouds and weather channel promises of snow *shudder*), that I took down most of the Christmas lights. I left the ones that would have involved a ladder.
I was getting the gardening itch...gazing at my flower beds covered with leaves just begging to be raked out. Better wait and see if it does snow, after all, though. I'm really eager for everything to get all dried out so the yard to can get cleaned and livable again. The neighbors must think we're horrible white trash, considering the state of the yard at the moment. It's covered in garbage because of the dogs ripping garbage bags open, and then it snowing. Plus, it has piles of renovation trash, most notably the carpet and underlay, and all the soggy dog poop that needs to dry out before it can be raked and shoveled up. It won't take long to clean, but in the mean time it looks disgusting.
That's it for now.... next time I'll tell you about my NIN concert outfit that I'm currently awaiting delivery for. :)
So I'm back from my Easter holiday. Nothing much to say about it, really. It was a nice few days away, but besides having someone cook for me (which is Awesome! I wish it was that way every day!) I didn't really do anything vacationey. I didn't sleep in at all, though I did get one nap in, and James and I didn't go out to a movie. It was relaxing, all the same though...having someone else run around with my kids is a bonus.
The most memorable part of the weekend, aside from Cameron crying for an hour both there and back, would definitely have to be the amount of candy I ended up bringing home. My mom and I agreed that next year she'll buy toys and I'll buy the candy.
So today it's back to the grind, since James has to work. The kids and I went out and bought enough groceries to last until Friday, then we grabbed some lunch and came home, where I felt inspired enough by the warm sunshine (which has since vanished behind dark threatening clouds and weather channel promises of snow *shudder*), that I took down most of the Christmas lights. I left the ones that would have involved a ladder.
I was getting the gardening itch...gazing at my flower beds covered with leaves just begging to be raked out. Better wait and see if it does snow, after all, though. I'm really eager for everything to get all dried out so the yard to can get cleaned and livable again. The neighbors must think we're horrible white trash, considering the state of the yard at the moment. It's covered in garbage because of the dogs ripping garbage bags open, and then it snowing. Plus, it has piles of renovation trash, most notably the carpet and underlay, and all the soggy dog poop that needs to dry out before it can be raked and shoveled up. It won't take long to clean, but in the mean time it looks disgusting.
That's it for now.... next time I'll tell you about my NIN concert outfit that I'm currently awaiting delivery for. :)
I've been feeling in a bit of a funk lately. I've been down on my self, getting into the whole 'I suck at this that and the other thing'. Then I gave myself a little shake and realized that if I don't like something about myself, then I'm the only one who can fix it.
So, right after breakfast I got dressed and got to work. I spent the entire day being Suzy Homemaker. From 9:30am I cleaned..I started with Cameron's laundry, then did his room, then the bathroom, then my room and my laundry, then lunch. Then Quintin's room (OMG you wouldn't believe the mess!), and Quintin's laundry. Then the living room, James's laundry, then the kitchen. Then I made pizza, then finished with the kitchen. Then I vacuumed all the floors, and then had dinner. That was at 6:30pm.
*whew* I cleaned for 9 freakin' hours!! The sad part is that I still have to clean the kitchen floor, water my plants, fold one load and dry and fold another. Oh, and I have to pack for the weekend.
We're going to my parent's for Easter, leaving after breakfast tomorrow and staying for the weekend. James doesn't get the Monday off, so we have to come back on Sunday. I have to try really hard not to forget the kids Easter goodies here. I'm really looking forward to having someone else cook for me and watch my children. James and I even get to go out for a movie... he wants to see 'Observe and Report'. Looks funny enough, I guess.
Whoops, tangent.
Anyway, what I'm hoping is that at the beginning of every day, if I can get dressed and do what needs to be done (cleaning, laundry, whatever), then I'll have the rest of the day to do homework or just relax, and hopefully that'll help me prioritize and feel more in control of things. We'll see how it works after the weekend, cuz you can be sure I'm going to be doing a whole lot of ass sitting for the next few days.
Happy Chocolate Egg Day!!
So, right after breakfast I got dressed and got to work. I spent the entire day being Suzy Homemaker. From 9:30am I cleaned..I started with Cameron's laundry, then did his room, then the bathroom, then my room and my laundry, then lunch. Then Quintin's room (OMG you wouldn't believe the mess!), and Quintin's laundry. Then the living room, James's laundry, then the kitchen. Then I made pizza, then finished with the kitchen. Then I vacuumed all the floors, and then had dinner. That was at 6:30pm.
*whew* I cleaned for 9 freakin' hours!! The sad part is that I still have to clean the kitchen floor, water my plants, fold one load and dry and fold another. Oh, and I have to pack for the weekend.
We're going to my parent's for Easter, leaving after breakfast tomorrow and staying for the weekend. James doesn't get the Monday off, so we have to come back on Sunday. I have to try really hard not to forget the kids Easter goodies here. I'm really looking forward to having someone else cook for me and watch my children. James and I even get to go out for a movie... he wants to see 'Observe and Report'. Looks funny enough, I guess.
Whoops, tangent.
Anyway, what I'm hoping is that at the beginning of every day, if I can get dressed and do what needs to be done (cleaning, laundry, whatever), then I'll have the rest of the day to do homework or just relax, and hopefully that'll help me prioritize and feel more in control of things. We'll see how it works after the weekend, cuz you can be sure I'm going to be doing a whole lot of ass sitting for the next few days.
Happy Chocolate Egg Day!!
Spring break is over. I'm glad that my son likes kindergarten enough that he counted down the days to go back to school. However, I'm not happy to have to get up at 8 again and to add extra responsibilities to my schedule.
I've been having trouble lately, trying to prioritize. You see, I'm taking this history course through Athabasca University, and I need to finish it in order to be admitted to the B.Ed. program at UofA. It's a year long program, and I have until August 30 to finish the course. There's 6 units, and I'm only at the end of unit 2. What does this mean? It means that I'm sucking at this course. Part of the problem is that there is a ton of reading and I'm not making myself do it quick enough. Another part is that I'm finding the assignments (essays) really difficult. The bulk of it, though, is that I'm just not doing the work. I'm finding it difficult to decide what's really important...should I be doing the laundry or writing my essay? Cleaning the house or reading?
I'm actually really worried about not getting it done in time...but I'm still not doing it. I have this whole fear of failure thing..not to mention a fear of change. If I finish the course I find out if I get into the UofA. What if I don't get in? What if I do get in and I do horribly? I have absolutely no confidence in my abilities as a student or teacher. I don't feel smart enough. I honestly look at myself and think, there's no way I can do this...I don't know enough. The more I get into it the more nervous I get. I'm so scared of screwing up, that I'm screwing it up. Sigh.
So, I'll try to do more reading and writing today. I wish I could think of a way to make myself do it. Independent study is so hard to keep up on.
Besides school, laundry and housework that needs to be done, I have to take Ozy to the vet to see why he's limping. He's 12 years old, he has cancer (Mast Cell) and on Saturday he started favoring the back end. $50 to find out why.
I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew.
I've been having trouble lately, trying to prioritize. You see, I'm taking this history course through Athabasca University, and I need to finish it in order to be admitted to the B.Ed. program at UofA. It's a year long program, and I have until August 30 to finish the course. There's 6 units, and I'm only at the end of unit 2. What does this mean? It means that I'm sucking at this course. Part of the problem is that there is a ton of reading and I'm not making myself do it quick enough. Another part is that I'm finding the assignments (essays) really difficult. The bulk of it, though, is that I'm just not doing the work. I'm finding it difficult to decide what's really important...should I be doing the laundry or writing my essay? Cleaning the house or reading?
I'm actually really worried about not getting it done in time...but I'm still not doing it. I have this whole fear of failure thing..not to mention a fear of change. If I finish the course I find out if I get into the UofA. What if I don't get in? What if I do get in and I do horribly? I have absolutely no confidence in my abilities as a student or teacher. I don't feel smart enough. I honestly look at myself and think, there's no way I can do this...I don't know enough. The more I get into it the more nervous I get. I'm so scared of screwing up, that I'm screwing it up. Sigh.
So, I'll try to do more reading and writing today. I wish I could think of a way to make myself do it. Independent study is so hard to keep up on.
Besides school, laundry and housework that needs to be done, I have to take Ozy to the vet to see why he's limping. He's 12 years old, he has cancer (Mast Cell) and on Saturday he started favoring the back end. $50 to find out why.
I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew.
I'm going to let you in on one one of my deepest darkest secrets. Are you ready?
I'm not a good housewife.
*Gasp!*
Well, maybe it's not that big of a secret. If pressed my husband would admit that he knew it. Heck, he might even admit it if not pressed.
The truth is, I'm just not the kind of person who gets enjoyment out of the day-to-day monotony of cooking and cleaning, nor am I the kind of person who can easily grin and bear it. So, the chores that I do, I do because it's necessary and there' s no one else to do them.
There are many days when chores are left to fester simply because I don't see it as imperative that they be done, and all too often the house gets clean because someone is coming over and I couldn't bear to let them in on my 'dirty' secret.
The worst of all my chores to do, and the one that gets put off the most, until I'm left with no more alternatives but to actually do it, is laundry. I despise laundry. I typically end up doing laundry on average every 3 weeks. I know, I know. Disgusting. I wait until there is absolutely nothing to wear. Kids are re-wearing pajamas, hubby is re-wearing underwear and socks, we're all examining our shirts to avoid the most obviously dirty.
The problem is that laundry is a chore that has no end. Unlike cleaning the floor or the bathroom, which can stay clean up to an entire day or two, there is always laundry that needs to be cleaning, even when all is said and done... you still have the clothes on your back left to clean, and every day it gets worse and worse. Unless you're one of those manic laundry washers who do a load every day of the week. Clearly, I am not.
I am currently doing laundry. So far one load is done, (and folded even, but not put away), one is drying and one is washing. I have 3 loads to go. Most likely, they will not all get done, and at least the last load will be left in the dryer, perhaps even a load left in the washer to be re-washed at a later date.
But at least it's getting done. One thing is certain, when my house is clean and I've spent an entire day cleaning it, I get nasty about keeping it clean. I see one toy on the floor, or the blanket rumpled, I just might lose it and bite the head off of the person who dared to disturb the order of my clean house. Just for a few hours, at least, I'd like it to stay nice. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Maybe in a couple of days I can regale you with tales of cleaning my kids' bedrooms.
I'm not a good housewife.
*Gasp!*
Well, maybe it's not that big of a secret. If pressed my husband would admit that he knew it. Heck, he might even admit it if not pressed.
The truth is, I'm just not the kind of person who gets enjoyment out of the day-to-day monotony of cooking and cleaning, nor am I the kind of person who can easily grin and bear it. So, the chores that I do, I do because it's necessary and there' s no one else to do them.
There are many days when chores are left to fester simply because I don't see it as imperative that they be done, and all too often the house gets clean because someone is coming over and I couldn't bear to let them in on my 'dirty' secret.
The worst of all my chores to do, and the one that gets put off the most, until I'm left with no more alternatives but to actually do it, is laundry. I despise laundry. I typically end up doing laundry on average every 3 weeks. I know, I know. Disgusting. I wait until there is absolutely nothing to wear. Kids are re-wearing pajamas, hubby is re-wearing underwear and socks, we're all examining our shirts to avoid the most obviously dirty.
The problem is that laundry is a chore that has no end. Unlike cleaning the floor or the bathroom, which can stay clean up to an entire day or two, there is always laundry that needs to be cleaning, even when all is said and done... you still have the clothes on your back left to clean, and every day it gets worse and worse. Unless you're one of those manic laundry washers who do a load every day of the week. Clearly, I am not.
I am currently doing laundry. So far one load is done, (and folded even, but not put away), one is drying and one is washing. I have 3 loads to go. Most likely, they will not all get done, and at least the last load will be left in the dryer, perhaps even a load left in the washer to be re-washed at a later date.
But at least it's getting done. One thing is certain, when my house is clean and I've spent an entire day cleaning it, I get nasty about keeping it clean. I see one toy on the floor, or the blanket rumpled, I just might lose it and bite the head off of the person who dared to disturb the order of my clean house. Just for a few hours, at least, I'd like it to stay nice. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Maybe in a couple of days I can regale you with tales of cleaning my kids' bedrooms.
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